Catch & Release
Departures
Mother Aya
12
4
0:00
-15:51

Mother Aya

Departures: Episode 19
12
4

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Previously…

In the last episode, Wild, Millie, and her girlfriend Raina boarded an airplane and traveled to Lima, Peru, embarking on the first leg of their journey to the Amazon. Millie had been very nervous about introducing Wild to her trans girlfriend, but she had nothing to worry about. Wild found a kindred spirit in Raina and they talked at length about psychedelics and spirit guides and the two of them commiserated about their shared experience of having intolerant fathers.

It wasn’t until they were on the small, chartered boat speeding down the Amazon that Wild fully appreciated what he had signed up for. He had hardly been awake for the early morning flight on the tiny plane from Lima to Iquitos but now, as he stood at the bow of the small vessel with the warm wind rushing through his beard, he felt the full gravitational pull of the place where his life had changed forever.

Millie, ever the efficient manager, initially wanted them to take the road which would have saved them five hours, but Wild wanted the slower approach by river. With each mile the boat carved out of the six-hour journey to the small village where Diego would meet them, Wild’s senses awakened by degrees, his body remembering, despite the decades between him and twenty-three. 

With the wind and the noise of the engine, the three of them hadn’t spoken much for the entire journey beyond pointing and shouting about the flora and fauna that appeared in and along the banks of the ancient river. It was nearly dark when the captain cut the engine and piloted the boat to the rickety dock by a narrow strip of beach illuminated by a strobing bulb on a light pole with a dented shade that leaned into the dock. Beyond the throw of their flickering light, was the dark canopy of the jungle, alive with the sawing and whistling calliope of a million creatures. As they approached, a man in a broad-brimmed hat, standing on the dock, raised a hand in greeting. 

“Wild! My friend, I’m so glad you made it. I was getting worried,” he shouted, catching the rope from their captain so he could secure the boat.

Though Wild hadn’t seen or spoken to Diego in over forty years, when they embraced, it was as if no time had passed. His was the first death Wild had envisioned the morning after the ceremony that changed his life. Even though he hadn’t understood what was happening or what the date meant, he had never forgotten it. His old friend would live another fifteen years which was not at all surprising given the sturdiness of his frame. Where time had whittled Wild down to a skeletal form, Diego had only gotten more substantial like the trunk of an oak.

“Jesus, have you aged at all?” Wild asked. “You look good. Hey, I want to introduce you to my niece, Millie, and her friend, Raina. Girls, this is Diego.”

“Welcome to jungle. I hope the long ride down the river didn’t take too much of a toll.”

“No, it was really stunning,” Raina said, stepping out of the boat to shake his hand.

Diego’s eyes widened slightly, and his smile faltered as he took her in, but it was little more than a flicker before his open expression returned. He insisted on carrying their larger bags and they followed him to a jeep parked on the shoulder of a dirt road that disappeared into the darkness of the jungle.

“It’s just a ten-minute trip up the road to the retreat. My brother, Franco, has everything prepared for you.”

The retreat was a modest collection of small, grass-roof huts on stilts clustered around a massive circular one that looked like the mothership of a race of primitive aliens with its steep-pitched, conical roof. Wild remembered the structures were called malocas.

“The accommodations are modest,” Diego said, as they followed him along a path dimly lit with solar powered ground lights. “We have a big group here already so you will be sharing quarters. I hope that is okay.”

When they reached their maloca, they followed Diego up the steps and inside the cozy structure that was one room, roughly twenty feet in diameter. There was one narrow bed with a colorful, hand-woven quilt and two temporary cots against the opposite wall. The only other furniture was a small writing desk with a stack of books and a chair. On the nightstand, beside the bed there was a photograph of a much younger Diego smiling alongside a man Wild assumed was his brother, Franco, and an ancient looking man with the same broad nose Wild recognized as the shaman grandfather who guided his trip all those years ago.

“Diego, is this your place?” Wild asked. “We can’t put you out.”

“It’s fine, my friend. What’s mine is yours. I’m happy to sleep in my brother’s place for a couple of nights.”

“Are you sure?” Millie asked.

“I would have it no other way. The toilet and showers are just down the path to the right beyond the large maloca where we do the ceremonies. Speaking of that, if you want to participate tonight, there’s not much time. I fear you won’t have time to eat, but that’s probably best. Mother Aya, doesn’t like a full stomach.”

Wild looked to his two companions who both nodded, Raina more vigorously than Millie whose brow furrowed in the way it had since she was a child anytime she was apprehensive.

“I think we’ll give it a try, at least some of us will. When do we need to be there?”

“You have about forty-five minutes. I will let Franco know you will be joining.” He paused and looked at Millie. “There’s no pressure to take part. You can just observe if you like. Ayahuasca works best if you are called to it.”

After Diego left, they made up the cots. Millie insisted that Wild take the bed. When Raina left to find the bathroom, Wild sat on the bed and patted the space beside him, inviting his niece to sit down.

“Look, I know you made a big do of getting us all here, but I can see you’re worried. I’ve read a lot about this ceremony over the years, as you can imagine. It’s not sunshine and rainbows for everyone. If you feel afraid, honey, sit it out.”

“Aren’t you worried at all?” she asked. 

“Yes and no. I’m afraid that somehow, it’s going to make it worse for me but at the same time, I’m not sure it could get worse.”

“Can we set the intention that it’s going to make things better. That’s why we’re here. I hadn’t really even thought about doing it myself but maybe it would be good for me.”

“I tell you what, why don’t you just observe tonight. Give yourself some time. You can always do it later if you want to.”

“But Raina will be disappointed. She wanted us to do it together.”

“Follow your inclination. My only advice, for what it’s worth, is if you do decide to do it, don’t be the fool I was and just jump out of a plane because somebody asked you to.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I wasn’t prepared for the seriousness of the situation. I didn’t recognize it as an ancient, powerful ceremony. I set no intention beforehand. Shit, at twenty-three, I don’t think I even understood what intention was.”

The little furrow in his niece’s brow smoothed and her shoulders relaxed. Wild put an arm around her, pulled her to him, and kissed her forehead.

Thirty minutes later the three of them entered the large maloca where they were told to gather. The space was cavernous and dimly lit by only a couple of lanterns. It smelled earthy and pungent with mapacho smoke, a variety of tobacco the Shipibo people use in ceremonies to ward off bad spirits. Wild could make out eight people seated around the perimeter wall on pallet beds. It was a diverse group that appeared to have little in common except for a look of nervous anticipation and erect posture. Wild was sure most of them were westerners seeking some kind of enlightenment they hadn’t been able to buy on their phones during late night shopping sprees at the other Amazon. On the opposite wall Diego sat with his brother and an older man Wild assumed was the Shaman. They were talking quietly. Diego noticed them and motioned for them to come over.

“Wild, this is my brother Franco and our uncle, Gael, who leads the ceremonies.”

Wild introduced Millie and Raina and the shaman smiled and motioned for them to sit, which they did.

“Thank you for coming,” Franco said. “We’re glad you’re here. You missed my uncle’s earlier talk but he’s happy to answer any questions you might have before we begin.”

“Tell him, thank you for welcoming us,” Wild said. He turned to Millie and Raina. “Do y’all have anything you’d like to ask?”

It was absurd to expect them to be able to formulate a relevant question about something this unknown and abstract on the spot. Wild was surprised when Raina did.

“I think we’re all a little bit afraid of what Mother Aya will reveal to us, especially in the beginning. I understand the journey often starts in a dark place. How should we prepare ourselves?”

Franco listened intently and then translated Raina’s question for the old Shaman who was already nodding as though he understood exactly what was being asked. He leaned forward and peered into her eyes as he responded in a slow thoughtful cadence so his words could be translated by Franco.

“Yes, the beginning of the journey is often scary because she is taking you into her world which is your world, but you’ve never seen it before.”

The old man paused to allow this to sink in before he continued, pausing occasionally for Franco to translate.

“Being afraid is normal but Mother Aya is love and she will not hurt you. We bring the hurt and she holds it and reflects it back so we can see it. Then she absorbs it into her creation, and it becomes love as everything does. Do you understand?”

Wild could see the shimmery reflection of tears in Raina’s eyes as she nodded. Millie clasped her hand and squeezed, the anxiety in her face was plain. The shaman turned his attention to her and spoke. When he finished, Franco paused for a beat before translating.

“Gael says you are not ready but that’s okay. There is time. Spend tonight supporting your companions and consider what you hope to learn from Mother Aya when you take your journey.”

With the matter closed, the shaman nodded, and Franco and Diego set to work pouring draughts of the muddy liquid from a plastic bottle into cups and distributing them to the participants around the circular lodge. When everyone had their portion, Diego returned and sat in front of Wild and Raina.

“This is for you,” he said, offering the plastic cup with the same amount as the others to Raina who received it with both hands. She and Millie followed Franco who guided them to their palettes.

Diego then turned his attention to Wild. “Are you sure you want to do this, old friend? I was there the first time, and I feel responsible. You were very shaken afterward. Maybe you should reconsider or take only a small dose.”

The old shaman was squinting and listening intently. Wild thought he understood much more English than he let on because he spoke up, his voice low and gravelly. From his tone, he was clearly arguing against this advice. Diego responded to him without translating and they went back and forth a few times before the matter seemed resolved.

“Gael would like you to come and sit with him,” Diego said, moving out of the way to make room.

Wild crawled over to sit in front of the shaman. Gael offered his open hands and gently placed them on top of Wild’s head. He closed his eyes and murmured a chant under his breath. The sound of his singing immediately took Wild back to that night forty-five years prior when he was little more than a boy standing on the precipice of a chasm he thought was a ditch. He could feel the weight of the shaman’s hands and smell his smoky breath, but his brain did not light up and fire a thousand fireworks as it did upon contact with others. Above all, there was a stillness that radiated down into his bones. There was no date. He was about to say this out loud though it would make sense to no one but his niece, when the shaman spoke.

“Suffering. Suffering. Suffering.” 

His accent was thick and murky like the contents of the bottle that sat beside him, but the word was clear, and it wasn’t phrased as a question. When Wild opened his eyes, the old man’s gaze held him, and he felt as if that gaze alone could either set him free to float up to the rafters or burn him to a cinder. Wild nodded. Nothing more was required.

The shaman picked up the bottle and the last of the cups. He poured a deep draught of the liquid into the cup that was easily twice the amount given to the other tourists and held it out to Wild.

Wild took it, and without hesitation, brought the cup to his lips, tilted his head back, and drained the contents.

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Catch & Release
Departures
DEPARTURES is a serial novel with new episodes dropping each week. Paid subscribers to Catch & Release get early access to new episodes before everyone else.
Wilder Thorne has lived with a supernatural ability to know the exact date when every person he touches will die. It’s only the date and he’s never been wrong. He’s never been able to prevent a single death in 45 years despite his best efforts. Is it possible to use his power to ease the suffering of others and transform his curse into a blessing? Juniper, the love of his life believed so, but she’s been gone almost thirty years and he’s close to giving up.
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Ben Wakeman