Canary in a Coal Mine

It's time to pay attention to how our most vulnerable are treated

Regardless of where you fall on the spectrum of how you perceive the contents of the glass, the hellscape we’re all struggling through right now is enough to make you wonder if the damned glass even exists.

Between the officially sanctioned killing in Ukraine and Gaza and the recreational killing that happens everyday in schools, grocery stores, and shopping malls in America courtesy of the gun lobby there are too many souls departing this world. Add to that the steam-roller existential threat of rising temperatures and sea levels and you probably won’t be getting any sleep. If all that wasn’t enough, the Republican party’s Project 2025 will all but dismantle the foundational system of checks and balances that ensures America’s flawed, but durable democracy can protect the wonderfully diverse population of this country.

I fear for all of us and I do mean all of us. No one will be safe. There will be no winners in a future where basic human rights aren’t protected. These regimes always start by turning us against one another and attacking the most vulnerable. In this case, the people in the crosshairs ar e immigrants or really any brown person, LGBTQ+ folks, and women. 

If you’ve been following my writing for a while, you’ll know that I’m not a political person. I prefer to inhabit the arts and humanities side of things. I’m not someone who thrives on conflict and shouting matches because I don’t think they ever change anyone’s mind. I prefer the route of openness, listening, and kindness above all else. But, if you’re like me, the times we’re in are forcing us out of our comfort zones. Any caring person can’t afford to wait and see. There’s simply too much at stake.

For me, the looming possibility of a Trump-led Project 2025 future puts my transgender daughter in real and present danger. It’s not a hypothetical threat that they will strip trans people of all their rights, it’s in their documented game plan. First they will shut down her ability to get the medical care she needs, then they will restrict her ability to move openly through public spaces. With the protection of laws and policy behind them, bigots will be encouraged to openly attack her. When high-ranking government officials speak publicly with unabashed hatred for people like my daughter, they cultivate an environment of ignorance, prejudice, and violence.

This is not easy for me to write about. When someone hates your child for simply being who they are, it stirs something powerful inside you that can’t be quieted or ignored. It fills me with rage and I want to turn that rage against those who might hurt her. But that is not who I am. Hatred and violence only lead to more hatred and violence. It’s the oldest formula there is.

I know, in truth, the bigoted views of the most vocal in this camp come from a place of ignorance and fear. Most of them have never actually encountered a transgender person much less spoken to one. They don’t understand the distinction between sexuality and gender identity. All they know is these people are different and different is scary and scary is a threat. If you knew my daughter and her struggle just to want to live, you would be as perplexed as I am as to why she and people like her could possibly pose a threat to anyone.

I had dinner last night with one of my oldest friends. We met when we were twelve. We grew up in the small rural town of Boone, North Carolina. We learned to play guitar together and started our first band. After college we drifted apart. It wasn’t just the demands of career and family or geographical distance. He became increasingly more conservative. He voted for Trump in 2016. In the wake of the pandemic he reached out to me after many years of silence and wanted to meet for dinner because he was in town for work. I didn’t want to sit across from him. I didn’t want to have to talk about my daughter and defend who she is. But because he and I had history, I begrudgingly accepted his invitation.

He picked me up and it was awkward and strained as I feared it would be. As we drove to a nearby restaurant, he asked about my kids. I paused and he wanted to know why. I said I was afraid to tell him something because I wouldn’t be able to accept a negative reaction from him. He was quiet for a moment and then he said, “Ben, I’m still your oldest friend. You can trust me.” So I told him about my daughter’s transition and as I did, I began to cry quite unexpectedly. He reached over and touched me on the shoulder. “I think that’s wonderful, Ben. She’s lucky she has you as a dad.” I could see that he was genuinely hurt that I felt I couldn’t share something so important with him.

Before that night, something that had been hypothetical to my oldest friend was suddenly personal. He had played with my daughter when she was a boy child. Over the course of the evening, as we talked, I think he came to understand that one of his daughters could just as easily be like mine. This one conversation was the first step in a journey for my friend. When you love someone, it’s not political. People come before agendas.

Last night we had dinner again because he was in town. We meet up two or three times a year now and we both feel better for the bridge of our friendship. Love transcends everything. As trite as that might seem in these times of such vast distances between us, when the powers that be find it in their financial interests to whip us up into a frenzy of hate, love and understanding are the best tools we have. It’s love and understanding that will win. Maybe it’s not today or tomorrow or even in November, but love and understanding will win.

I only hope that victory will come before the cost is too much for all of us to bear.

What Can You Do?

There’s a powerhouse of a reporter here on Substack named

Erin Reed

. Subscribe and follow her publication to stay current with the ongoing fight state by state to secure rights for all transgender people. Erin does an incredible service not just for transgender people and their families, but for all of us.

Educate yourself on gender identity and what it means. Honor people’s preferred pronouns and be an ally to any trans person you encounter in your daily life whether it’s at work or in the park. There’s never been a more critical time to look out for and protect the most vulnerable members of our society.

As a bonus, I’m also removing the paywall for a post I published exactly a year ago before I had many folks paying attention. In the post, I walk through the creative process of writing a song to honor my daughter and her journey. I hope you’ll check it out.

Songcraft: How She's Supposed to Be

Thank you for reading this week’s post. I know it’s not my usual fare. You come to me looking for stories of escape to give you some reprieve from all the non-fictional ugliness in the world. I promise to over-deliver next week when I drop the first two episodes of my new serial novel, “Departures.” I hope you’ll follow along. It should be a fun ride together.

Table of Contents