These are lovely words Ben. I’m so sorry for your loss. I read this as I was taking my black lab Sirius on his evening walk and had to lean down to give him a big hug as I was so moved
I’ve had dogs all my life and the hurt of losing each one of them broke my heart. But, the vet was right, over time it gets easier. Now, when we go on our walks, I know all of them are with us, snuffling in the long grass and probably wondering why I don’t walk as quick I used to!
The ones we love in life never really leave us. It will be the same for you and Pepito 🐶 ❤️
Hi Daniel, thanks for sharing this. I’m glad my story instilled a touch more gratitude in your day. Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate you. 🙏❤️
You and I don’t know each other, but for as long as I’ve been wandering around Substack, I believe we’ve traveled in the same circle. You may have recognized my ‘smiling puppy face’. I felt deeply for you when I read of your heartbreaking loss. I am glad you wrote about it. A story you will always keep close to your heart .
Many people talk of Rainbow Bridge . I have attached a story you may not have known. I found it when I tried to find the right words for a close friend who is preparing to say goodbye to his best friend. Who by the way, looks very much like Pepito, and is the same age. I have my own words that might offer a soft bandage around your heart, but I will let the author of Rainbow Bridge tell her story. I hope you find some solace in the reading.
Thank you for your words. Letting go of our furry family members is a special kind of pain and relief. Our pup crossed the rainbow bridge Aug 5th, so your words struck a particularly tender spot. It’s been almost a month, and I still expect her to be greeting me at the door or sitting beside me as I prepare dinner. I never realized how much I talked to her… the silence in the house is deafening. Treasure the memories and moments you had with Pepito!
I know the feeling acutely, CB. Sorry for your loss. They bring such a quiet presence to our lives and witness both our most vulnerable and most mundane moments. Thank you for reading and commenting.
I cried reading your story of Pepito. Cute photos of him, btw. We lost the family dog, Brody, last week, to a rattlesnake bite. They not only participate in our lives with great love, as you say they bear witness to so much of the mundane, the joy and grief we live. They hold us together when times are tough.
I’ve euthanized all of my sweet fur babies; I’ve always had rescue cats and they’ve always been my comfort and companions. I’m with them at the moment of their crossing and I know that they saw me and my tears of sadness and grief, they’ve all passed gently and in my arms close to my chest; so they can hear my heart beating its love for them.
I’ve been fighting cancer for the last 5 years, so death is inevitable for me soon, perhaps. I’d like another year or two, but that’s not my decision to make until the very very last moment of my life. I’m lucky to live in a state that allows assisted suicide and my family and friends all know my plan, and they all plan on throwing me a grand party!
I’ve also stipulated that the ashes of my babies will be with me in my arms and in my biodegradable coffin buried under a beautiful evergreen tree somewhere in the woods . Yes it’s all going to be legal; thanks to the progressive law here. I may or may not have a park bench for contemplation and there will be a statue of a sleeping cat at each end of the bench.
Okay I’m needing to go blow my nose and dry my weeping eyes.
I’ll pray for you and your family, and of course little Pepito too.💙🙏🏽💙
Hi Bruce. I’m so moved by your story and your courage. I can’t imagine being where you are and staring clear-eyed into the face of your final moments here. It sounds like you’ve given a lot of love in your life and that love has been returned to you which is how all this works I think. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate you and I hope your departure from this world is as peaceful as you’ve made it for the many creatures you’ve cared for. 🙏❤️
This is a heartbreaking and joyful homage to Pepito. I am so sorry for your loss and pain. I know the feeling well. Our non-human companions never stay long enough, but they give us everything they have to give with abandon. As poor as we feel ourselves to be at their leaving, we are always richer for having loved them.
Pepito. He was there thru important parts of your journey. Thank you for sharing the details. They say it's our pets who find us. They come into our lives at the right time.
What a special time with your kids and you. Pepito felt all the loves.
Parents crossing is a huge challenge. I was there for both of them, and I’m glad I was. It’s very strange to be orphaned while I was in my 60’s. To suddenly feel the brevity of life in the moments they crossed was powerful.
I promise you one thing about all of this. I’ve worked with a skilled medium who is the real deal, not a charlatan. Proven beyond a shadow of a doubt by the things he told me (nick names for my kids that were never published anywhere, places my Dad loves to “sit” when he visits me which I’ve never shown in photos on line, etc.) while I still tear up with missing them, it’s a comfort to know that we will reconnect someday.
That’s beautiful, Teyani. I’m grateful that my parents are still in pretty good shape and independent but that can’t last too many more years. Thank you for reading and always commenting. I appreciate you. 🙏❤️
The death of a beloved pet is agonizing, and no more so than when you have to make that decision yourself. We've had to do it 3 times now - I feel your pain, brother Ben. Your reflection on death in general - and certainly in "Departures" - is a a poignant reminder that the ending of all our stories is universally the same. RIP Pepito 💜🕊️
Beautiful, and the hardest, most tearful post I've read. We are approaching this moment with one of our beloveds and it's hard to wrap my head and heart around. Love to you and your family, Ben.
I'm sorry for your loss, Ben. I'm a little behind here on reading - my mental health hasn't been great lately and that takes a direct hit on my physical health - and it's funny, but I've been thinking about death a lot, too.
Three years ago, when my son was born, I nearly died. I was able to see him for the first time while doctors shouted at each other, running around me, adding more IVs and frantically trying to stop me bleeding out. In that moment, I believed I was dying - and I felt a strange kind of peace. I had done what I had been so focused on doing, for nine months but in reality for a lot longer than that. I had produced something so very meaningful that would live on after me - an actual new human.
When I think about dying now, it's a lot less welcoming. Scary. A last resort to be avoided for as long as possible. In fact, I've often thought that I would love to be a vampire - being immortal sounds fantastic to me; how else would I ever manage to read all the books I want to read and write all the books I want to write? I would have to give up being vegetarian, sure, but eternal life would also give me plenty of time to reckon with that!
What point am I inching towards? Perhaps that death is a matter of perspective. When I'm old (hopefully - I aspire not to be hit by a car in my prime or etc) - I'd like to set myself a goal and hit it when I feel I'm near the end. That, in my experience so far, would maybe make it feel more acceptable to go.
Or maybe it was all just hormones. Unfortunately, there's only one way to find out!
Wow, that’s an intense experience, Rhiannon. I can’t imagine how scared you must have been. Giving birth is scary enough without having to be concerned about your own life. I agree about it all being relative to our perspective. The hope for all of us is that we live right up to the point where we stop being who we are and able to do the things we love most.
I truly agree with you. I have had to let my oldest dog go at 17 in the last month and 3 months ago I had to let another go due to tumors on her spleen at 12 years old. They are both at the Rainbow Bridge and I know they will be waiting for me. Snickers the 17 y/o was a chocolate long haired dachshund and Snoopy the 12y/o was a chiweenie. She always sat nest to me in my desk chair when I was at the computer . Give yourself time to grieve. It will get better with time. They are family just like your children. You sound like someone with a huge heart.
A truly moving read, Ben. I'm so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful and warm environment for created for Pepito, right up until the last. This makes all the difference.
Our cat is now very old, though she acts like a kitten still. The day will come when we will need to do the same.
Plus, as with you, I am all too aware of the phase my parents are edging towards. They are not there yet, thankfully, but it plays constantly on my mind because I live half the world away from them.
I wept almost all the way through this beautiful open hearted essay Ben and I have no wish to compound your grief with another sad story of my first beloved dog Blue's finally breath, just know I know - it is why we store our memories in safe places - I send healing hugs to you all. 💔
Thank you, Friend. I had no idea how much this would resonate with the larger world, but it really has. It's a testament to how beloved dogs are and what a huge presence they have in our lives. I appreciate your reading, commenting, and kind support.
I wept through this Ben. The love, so tangible that I swear Pepito was right in my lap reading along. What a beautiful circle you and your kids created for him, a magic carpet that no doubt sent him soaring into sleep with joy and gratitude for his precious family. Thank you for sharing the depths of your vulnerability with us. So very tender.
I’ve been with my mom this past week also contemplating death. She makes it quite clear she’s “looking forward to dying” though still full of vibrancy and health at 80. I’m leaning into learning about her slow detachment to this life and desire to cooperate with (and even facilitate) the inevitable someday, and finding a freedom in my own heart to value her wishes.
A dear friend sent me this 17 min doc with a similar theme and it’s opened a canyon of contemplation in me, especially the subject’s words “I want to realize I’m dying.” Love to hear your thoughts if/when you watch:
He had such a presence in our lives and his parting gift was this sweet story I was able to tell that has reached so far into the community and struck a chord with so many. I hear what you're saying about your mom. I'm encountering a similar behavior with my mom -- there's a readiness there that seems unimaginable to me right now. I will check out the doc link you sent. Thank you so much for your kind and generous heart. I so appreciate you reading and always commenting on my work.
These are lovely words Ben. I’m so sorry for your loss. I read this as I was taking my black lab Sirius on his evening walk and had to lean down to give him a big hug as I was so moved
I’ve had dogs all my life and the hurt of losing each one of them broke my heart. But, the vet was right, over time it gets easier. Now, when we go on our walks, I know all of them are with us, snuffling in the long grass and probably wondering why I don’t walk as quick I used to!
The ones we love in life never really leave us. It will be the same for you and Pepito 🐶 ❤️
Hi Daniel, thanks for sharing this. I’m glad my story instilled a touch more gratitude in your day. Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate you. 🙏❤️
Hi Ben,
You and I don’t know each other, but for as long as I’ve been wandering around Substack, I believe we’ve traveled in the same circle. You may have recognized my ‘smiling puppy face’. I felt deeply for you when I read of your heartbreaking loss. I am glad you wrote about it. A story you will always keep close to your heart .
Many people talk of Rainbow Bridge . I have attached a story you may not have known. I found it when I tried to find the right words for a close friend who is preparing to say goodbye to his best friend. Who by the way, looks very much like Pepito, and is the same age. I have my own words that might offer a soft bandage around your heart, but I will let the author of Rainbow Bridge tell her story. I hope you find some solace in the reading.
https://www.orderofthegooddeath.com/article/the-rainbow-bridge-the-true-story-behind-historys-most-influential-piece-of-animal-mourning-literature/
Hi Lor, it’s great to meet you. Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing this story. I’ll be sure to check it out. 🙏❤️
Thank you for your words. Letting go of our furry family members is a special kind of pain and relief. Our pup crossed the rainbow bridge Aug 5th, so your words struck a particularly tender spot. It’s been almost a month, and I still expect her to be greeting me at the door or sitting beside me as I prepare dinner. I never realized how much I talked to her… the silence in the house is deafening. Treasure the memories and moments you had with Pepito!
I know the feeling acutely, CB. Sorry for your loss. They bring such a quiet presence to our lives and witness both our most vulnerable and most mundane moments. Thank you for reading and commenting.
I cried reading your story of Pepito. Cute photos of him, btw. We lost the family dog, Brody, last week, to a rattlesnake bite. They not only participate in our lives with great love, as you say they bear witness to so much of the mundane, the joy and grief we live. They hold us together when times are tough.
Thank you for sharing the vulnerable.
Thank you for reading and sharing your story of Brody. That’s horrible to have lost him so suddenly.
I’ve euthanized all of my sweet fur babies; I’ve always had rescue cats and they’ve always been my comfort and companions. I’m with them at the moment of their crossing and I know that they saw me and my tears of sadness and grief, they’ve all passed gently and in my arms close to my chest; so they can hear my heart beating its love for them.
I’ve been fighting cancer for the last 5 years, so death is inevitable for me soon, perhaps. I’d like another year or two, but that’s not my decision to make until the very very last moment of my life. I’m lucky to live in a state that allows assisted suicide and my family and friends all know my plan, and they all plan on throwing me a grand party!
I’ve also stipulated that the ashes of my babies will be with me in my arms and in my biodegradable coffin buried under a beautiful evergreen tree somewhere in the woods . Yes it’s all going to be legal; thanks to the progressive law here. I may or may not have a park bench for contemplation and there will be a statue of a sleeping cat at each end of the bench.
Okay I’m needing to go blow my nose and dry my weeping eyes.
I’ll pray for you and your family, and of course little Pepito too.💙🙏🏽💙
Hi Bruce. I’m so moved by your story and your courage. I can’t imagine being where you are and staring clear-eyed into the face of your final moments here. It sounds like you’ve given a lot of love in your life and that love has been returned to you which is how all this works I think. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate you and I hope your departure from this world is as peaceful as you’ve made it for the many creatures you’ve cared for. 🙏❤️
This is a heartbreaking and joyful homage to Pepito. I am so sorry for your loss and pain. I know the feeling well. Our non-human companions never stay long enough, but they give us everything they have to give with abandon. As poor as we feel ourselves to be at their leaving, we are always richer for having loved them.
That’s so true, Liz. Thank you so much for the kind words. 🙏❤️
Pepito. He was there thru important parts of your journey. Thank you for sharing the details. They say it's our pets who find us. They come into our lives at the right time.
He did and we had a long ride together.
What a special time with your kids and you. Pepito felt all the loves.
Parents crossing is a huge challenge. I was there for both of them, and I’m glad I was. It’s very strange to be orphaned while I was in my 60’s. To suddenly feel the brevity of life in the moments they crossed was powerful.
I promise you one thing about all of this. I’ve worked with a skilled medium who is the real deal, not a charlatan. Proven beyond a shadow of a doubt by the things he told me (nick names for my kids that were never published anywhere, places my Dad loves to “sit” when he visits me which I’ve never shown in photos on line, etc.) while I still tear up with missing them, it’s a comfort to know that we will reconnect someday.
That’s beautiful, Teyani. I’m grateful that my parents are still in pretty good shape and independent but that can’t last too many more years. Thank you for reading and always commenting. I appreciate you. 🙏❤️
The death of a beloved pet is agonizing, and no more so than when you have to make that decision yourself. We've had to do it 3 times now - I feel your pain, brother Ben. Your reflection on death in general - and certainly in "Departures" - is a a poignant reminder that the ending of all our stories is universally the same. RIP Pepito 💜🕊️
Thank you, Troy. I’m slowly adjusting to him being gone, but it’s been much harder than I expected. He took up a big space in my heart.
Beautiful, and the hardest, most tearful post I've read. We are approaching this moment with one of our beloveds and it's hard to wrap my head and heart around. Love to you and your family, Ben.
Thank you, Troy. I appreciate you and hope you get bonus time with pup.
I'm sorry for your loss, Ben. I'm a little behind here on reading - my mental health hasn't been great lately and that takes a direct hit on my physical health - and it's funny, but I've been thinking about death a lot, too.
Three years ago, when my son was born, I nearly died. I was able to see him for the first time while doctors shouted at each other, running around me, adding more IVs and frantically trying to stop me bleeding out. In that moment, I believed I was dying - and I felt a strange kind of peace. I had done what I had been so focused on doing, for nine months but in reality for a lot longer than that. I had produced something so very meaningful that would live on after me - an actual new human.
When I think about dying now, it's a lot less welcoming. Scary. A last resort to be avoided for as long as possible. In fact, I've often thought that I would love to be a vampire - being immortal sounds fantastic to me; how else would I ever manage to read all the books I want to read and write all the books I want to write? I would have to give up being vegetarian, sure, but eternal life would also give me plenty of time to reckon with that!
What point am I inching towards? Perhaps that death is a matter of perspective. When I'm old (hopefully - I aspire not to be hit by a car in my prime or etc) - I'd like to set myself a goal and hit it when I feel I'm near the end. That, in my experience so far, would maybe make it feel more acceptable to go.
Or maybe it was all just hormones. Unfortunately, there's only one way to find out!
Wow, that’s an intense experience, Rhiannon. I can’t imagine how scared you must have been. Giving birth is scary enough without having to be concerned about your own life. I agree about it all being relative to our perspective. The hope for all of us is that we live right up to the point where we stop being who we are and able to do the things we love most.
There are no words to fill the gapping hole. Pepito now runs like a pup in heaven. So very sorry.
I truly agree with you. I have had to let my oldest dog go at 17 in the last month and 3 months ago I had to let another go due to tumors on her spleen at 12 years old. They are both at the Rainbow Bridge and I know they will be waiting for me. Snickers the 17 y/o was a chocolate long haired dachshund and Snoopy the 12y/o was a chiweenie. She always sat nest to me in my desk chair when I was at the computer . Give yourself time to grieve. It will get better with time. They are family just like your children. You sound like someone with a huge heart.
Hi Teri, thanks so much for sharing your story and for the kind words.
A truly moving read, Ben. I'm so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful and warm environment for created for Pepito, right up until the last. This makes all the difference.
Our cat is now very old, though she acts like a kitten still. The day will come when we will need to do the same.
Plus, as with you, I am all too aware of the phase my parents are edging towards. They are not there yet, thankfully, but it plays constantly on my mind because I live half the world away from them.
It is a strange abyss to stare into, the death of our parents. I’m so unprepared. Thank you for reading and sharing, friend. It’s been a tough week.
Sending you much love, my friend.
I wept almost all the way through this beautiful open hearted essay Ben and I have no wish to compound your grief with another sad story of my first beloved dog Blue's finally breath, just know I know - it is why we store our memories in safe places - I send healing hugs to you all. 💔
Thank you, Friend. I had no idea how much this would resonate with the larger world, but it really has. It's a testament to how beloved dogs are and what a huge presence they have in our lives. I appreciate your reading, commenting, and kind support.
My heart is with you.
I wept through this Ben. The love, so tangible that I swear Pepito was right in my lap reading along. What a beautiful circle you and your kids created for him, a magic carpet that no doubt sent him soaring into sleep with joy and gratitude for his precious family. Thank you for sharing the depths of your vulnerability with us. So very tender.
I’ve been with my mom this past week also contemplating death. She makes it quite clear she’s “looking forward to dying” though still full of vibrancy and health at 80. I’m leaning into learning about her slow detachment to this life and desire to cooperate with (and even facilitate) the inevitable someday, and finding a freedom in my own heart to value her wishes.
A dear friend sent me this 17 min doc with a similar theme and it’s opened a canyon of contemplation in me, especially the subject’s words “I want to realize I’m dying.” Love to hear your thoughts if/when you watch:
https://www.nytimes.com/video/opinion/100000009532365/to-live-in-a-wild-sea.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare
He had such a presence in our lives and his parting gift was this sweet story I was able to tell that has reached so far into the community and struck a chord with so many. I hear what you're saying about your mom. I'm encountering a similar behavior with my mom -- there's a readiness there that seems unimaginable to me right now. I will check out the doc link you sent. Thank you so much for your kind and generous heart. I so appreciate you reading and always commenting on my work.