Hang in there Ben. First days at new jobs are a challenge for all of us, and believe me when I say that you are anything But a fake.. you Are talented, skilled, gracious and intelligent. You’ll do fine. (Despite being a quiet reflective person.. or maybe because of it!)
I love the entire reflection here. I’ve worked with so many people who are using an external “yardstick” to measure themselves. Sadly, it is what our culture teaches us, to compare.
Comparisons are always mean. Someone is always up and someone always down. As you wrote here, pulling the yardstick of measurement internal is the best thing we can do. I believe that each of us knows how we behave when no one is watching, and it’s an excellent choice to be in line with all that matters to you.
Happy first day of new job! Laugh and enjoy every moment, it’s a good means to an end (keeping the roof over one’s head 🤭) and you’ll most likely get some great news stories out of it.
I also now, in relation my progress learning the saxophone, compare myself to how I used to sound, not to how others sound or how I want to sound. It's much less depressing!
Hi Terry, thanks for sharing. I love that you’re learning the saxophone. There’s nothing like learning a new instrument to have a beginner’s mindset which is something I think we could all use more of.
I love your description of grasping vs reaching, and feel this in my own life/creative work, too. You say at the end that you didn’t have wisdom to share, but you really did. Thank you.
HEY BEN happy friday and the very best of luck for your new job. Im enjoying the memory of my shadow very much... its the first book ive had in a while that im actually looking forward to picking up. ill make sure to leave a full review in the right places for you! keep reaching 😎
Yay! Thanks so much, Nick. I’m so happy you’re enjoying the book and thrilled that it’s something you look forward to picking up. There is no higher praise for a writer.
It's funny how you finish this off with 'no great wisdom here!' when there really is so much. Metrics are a minefield, and when I veer too close to getting caught up in them I remember a time in my life where I could barely put one foot in front of the other. Compared to that, I'm usually doing ok. I really hope you had a good first week back at work, my friend. Thank you for the reminder to employ music therapeutically. I'm going to go and do that right now...
This felt like a post about me whining more than anything else and there’s no inherent wisdom in that. The first week was tough, giving up the freedom to think whatever you want and the time to pursue the things that you think about is a hard adjustment. But like all things, I know it will get easier in time. Thank you for reading and for the kind words, Chloe.
I really enjoy and appreciate these reflective moments and posts, Ben. I always resonate deeply with your thoughts. There are far too many metrics in life, and far too much stock put in them often via the nature of the modern world and social media etc, plus as writers here it's not hard to be sucked into likes/comments/subs etc. I try not to let myself be bothered by that, as much as is possible (of course one wants a post/story etc to do well and have good reach, but the most important aspect is the constant desire to be crafting and exploring and creating and the nourishment that that act alone provides, along with the fact that there's this wonderful community that does receive it gladly).
There were a few other things I wanted to say, but they seem to have drifted from my mind, but big congrats on the new job. I hope the first day went great. Imposter syndrome is a good sign, in my opinion. My own creativity fluctuates greatly during periods of intense work, but it seems to always find its way back, and I have every confidence your creative output won't be affected at all.
Re: your first paragraph about measuring our lives quantitatively, an interesting little think piece about that is Paula Marantz Cohen’s “We Are All Quants Now.”
I found your reflection timely. My Substack is less than 4 months old, and already I’m a third of the way through the novel that’s its centerpiece, yet at present count I only have 22 subscribers, not all of them actually reading it. So I’ve been obsessed with the numbers lately, thinking about how I can boost them. And I do need to do that, but I mustn’t lose touch with pleasure in my writing and some fulfillment in putting things out and just being happy they’re landing with someone, anyone.
Good luck with the new job and your work-life-writing balance!
I had the thought as I read this, that the measure of 'success' has changed over the years. Success is synonymous with accomplishment, but just having a good life is the ultimate accomplishment although we don't generally think of that accomplishment as success.
In the olden days (a time when pulling the brass ring at the carousel got you another, free ride), success was perhaps not so much of a thing. You just lived your life. Most people farmed, and it was little more than subsistence. But they made their own music, because there were no recordings, grew their own food, because there was no grocery, and built their own house because there were no developers. Some did all that better than others, but there was no rating system.
Then, there became jobs. And that begat that 'ladder of success'. And some people started climbing. Now we are reverting somewhat. More people are going it alone, in the gig economy. Climbing the ladder has its drawbacks, but it is easily comprehensible. You know what you have to do. Now, it's harder to even know what your goals are, much less achieve them. And we are all competing directly. Yes, Ben, you and I are competing for readers and sales. That needn't make us adversaries, but the reality is there is only so much room at the top. Not everyone can be JK Rowling or such. There are probably far more really capable athletes than there are paid positions in sports. And so forth.
That's all the response I've got. I don't know where we go from here. Just try to enjoy the trip.
It's true, Chip. For all the improvements we've made as a society, the shadow side is how many more ways we've created to both separate and divide us and how many more tools we have to measure our worth against others. I'm not sure where all of it's going either, but I think you're right about doing your best to enjoy the ride. I think cultivating peace within yourself is a radical change that has a positive impact on everyone you touch.
Good luck on your new job, Ben! Also: good lord, if saying hi to strangers on the street and in elevators is the measure of our worth, I'm a monster. 🤣 But your point is well taken - as a society we are not good at valuing human life for the miracle of being it is; we must always be DOING, preferably FOR other people (must I? Thoreau seemed to think that was not a requirement) and even better if you become a bazillionaire in the process (if time is money, lots of money is immortality.)
Thank you! I’m right there with you, friend. I’d rather just be alone in a cabin in the woods financed courtesy of daddy! The last two years have definitely shown me just how valuable time is. It’s not at all surprising why most of the really great artists either lived like paupers or had a benefactor.
Good luck for the new job! I'm sure you don't need it. A good reminder for all of us. I remember feeling like an absolute failure when my new business wasn't immediately taking off, and someone said to me back then, "You're 26 and you run two businesses. That's already amazing." Sometimes we can't see the success when we're looking at the failure.
Ben, you might even find that your work days are a break—a way to switch gears—from the pressure to be creative. I like my work days as a chance to get off my own agenda, and focus objectively on serving others. Something about this gives me a boost when I come back to do my own creative work in my free time. It’s the contrast I guess. Maybe you can put a lot of music into your workdays—at least on your commute or on your lunch hour? And then you can get your nature fix on your days off?
Hi Ann, thanks for the thoughtful advice. This is not something entirely new for me. I did work for over 25 years at demanding technical consulting jobs and managed to find time to be creative. I think it’s harder now at 54 with a little less energy and having tasted the freedom of owning my time. But I’ll get it sorted. Thank you for your kindness.
Best of luck in the job on Monday. I think it was Tim Denning who said, "Air and money. You got to have both." On the plus side, you have faithful readers, who are also writers, and not yet independently wealthy. We have reinvented after 55, after 65, and again, after 75. When you have this many friends, someone will always give you a boost, if you just ask.
Aw, thank you Georgia. You’re so right. We do have a wonderfully supportive community of writers here. Thank you for reading and for sharing your thoughts.
Hi Ben, great news, good luck with your new job. The last time I was nervous about starting a new job, I decided to simply enjoy the company of new people. It did the trick.
How do I measure? That's a good question. For now it's a bit of everything but mostly the progress I make on my first book. I try to take one thing at a time, dream big and be happy about the little wins.
Thank you, Claudia. That’s a great way to look at starting a new job. It’s a fully remote gig with some travel so I’ll be meeting a lot of new people, just not in person. I can’t wait until you complete your first book! And to be sure, every sentence is a little win that gets you closer to the finished book.
I do hope the transition to a full time work is not too uncomfortable Ben, take deep gulps of prescription No 2 while listening to prescription No 1 for calming vibes before you begin maybe.
Good Luck and please, don't ever lose sight of your dream. 💫
Thank you, friend. The transition is daunting, but I’ll manage through it and I’ll keep writing. I’m going to be crazy tired for the first few months, but I’ll acclimate.
Thanks for this Ben. I appreciate the way your mind works and especially this reminder to stay grounded and what lights me up.
Big fan of smiling at strangers. Like the lady in Trader Joe’s today, browsing the healthy frozen veggies, while I shopped the shelf just above the open freezer case displaying all their tempting, delicious cookies. We had a laugh about what sort of message Trader Joe’s was trying to send by offering such divergent food choices right next to each other. 😂
Thinking of you on your final weekend of freedom and wishing you a smooth transition back into the world of work. I hope you can give yourself some grace to adjust to this major transition.
It is kind of a psychological game TJs is playing, right? Thank you, friend for always reading and providing such kind and thoughtful comments on my work. I so appreciate you and your work. I will be looking to you for some tiny hits of nature as I submerge back into the world of the day job.
Hang in there Ben. First days at new jobs are a challenge for all of us, and believe me when I say that you are anything But a fake.. you Are talented, skilled, gracious and intelligent. You’ll do fine. (Despite being a quiet reflective person.. or maybe because of it!)
I love the entire reflection here. I’ve worked with so many people who are using an external “yardstick” to measure themselves. Sadly, it is what our culture teaches us, to compare.
Comparisons are always mean. Someone is always up and someone always down. As you wrote here, pulling the yardstick of measurement internal is the best thing we can do. I believe that each of us knows how we behave when no one is watching, and it’s an excellent choice to be in line with all that matters to you.
Be well.
Hi Tey, thank you for the kind words. I appreciate you. I’m nothing if not reflective!
Happy first day of new job! Laugh and enjoy every moment, it’s a good means to an end (keeping the roof over one’s head 🤭) and you’ll most likely get some great news stories out of it.
Observing how we behave when no one is watching, that's a good one.
Indeed, it is. There’s no better way to know yourself.
A few months ago I wrote about alternative measures of success, for the same sort of reasons. It was originally for paid subs only but I've depayalled it: https://open.substack.com/pub/terryfreedman/p/alternative-measures-of-newsletter?r=18suih&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true
I also now, in relation my progress learning the saxophone, compare myself to how I used to sound, not to how others sound or how I want to sound. It's much less depressing!
Hi Terry, thanks for sharing. I love that you’re learning the saxophone. There’s nothing like learning a new instrument to have a beginner’s mindset which is something I think we could all use more of.
I love your description of grasping vs reaching, and feel this in my own life/creative work, too. You say at the end that you didn’t have wisdom to share, but you really did. Thank you.
Hi Robin, thank you so much. I’m so glad this connected with you.
HEY BEN happy friday and the very best of luck for your new job. Im enjoying the memory of my shadow very much... its the first book ive had in a while that im actually looking forward to picking up. ill make sure to leave a full review in the right places for you! keep reaching 😎
Great pick, loved that book!
Yay! Thanks so much, Nick. I’m so happy you’re enjoying the book and thrilled that it’s something you look forward to picking up. There is no higher praise for a writer.
It's funny how you finish this off with 'no great wisdom here!' when there really is so much. Metrics are a minefield, and when I veer too close to getting caught up in them I remember a time in my life where I could barely put one foot in front of the other. Compared to that, I'm usually doing ok. I really hope you had a good first week back at work, my friend. Thank you for the reminder to employ music therapeutically. I'm going to go and do that right now...
This felt like a post about me whining more than anything else and there’s no inherent wisdom in that. The first week was tough, giving up the freedom to think whatever you want and the time to pursue the things that you think about is a hard adjustment. But like all things, I know it will get easier in time. Thank you for reading and for the kind words, Chloe.
I really enjoy and appreciate these reflective moments and posts, Ben. I always resonate deeply with your thoughts. There are far too many metrics in life, and far too much stock put in them often via the nature of the modern world and social media etc, plus as writers here it's not hard to be sucked into likes/comments/subs etc. I try not to let myself be bothered by that, as much as is possible (of course one wants a post/story etc to do well and have good reach, but the most important aspect is the constant desire to be crafting and exploring and creating and the nourishment that that act alone provides, along with the fact that there's this wonderful community that does receive it gladly).
There were a few other things I wanted to say, but they seem to have drifted from my mind, but big congrats on the new job. I hope the first day went great. Imposter syndrome is a good sign, in my opinion. My own creativity fluctuates greatly during periods of intense work, but it seems to always find its way back, and I have every confidence your creative output won't be affected at all.
Take it easy my friend.
Thanks for the kind words, friend. I managed to survive the first day. 😉
Good start. ;)
Re: your first paragraph about measuring our lives quantitatively, an interesting little think piece about that is Paula Marantz Cohen’s “We Are All Quants Now.”
I found your reflection timely. My Substack is less than 4 months old, and already I’m a third of the way through the novel that’s its centerpiece, yet at present count I only have 22 subscribers, not all of them actually reading it. So I’ve been obsessed with the numbers lately, thinking about how I can boost them. And I do need to do that, but I mustn’t lose touch with pleasure in my writing and some fulfillment in putting things out and just being happy they’re landing with someone, anyone.
Good luck with the new job and your work-life-writing balance!
Thanks, Joshua. Best of luck with your Substack!
I had the thought as I read this, that the measure of 'success' has changed over the years. Success is synonymous with accomplishment, but just having a good life is the ultimate accomplishment although we don't generally think of that accomplishment as success.
In the olden days (a time when pulling the brass ring at the carousel got you another, free ride), success was perhaps not so much of a thing. You just lived your life. Most people farmed, and it was little more than subsistence. But they made their own music, because there were no recordings, grew their own food, because there was no grocery, and built their own house because there were no developers. Some did all that better than others, but there was no rating system.
Then, there became jobs. And that begat that 'ladder of success'. And some people started climbing. Now we are reverting somewhat. More people are going it alone, in the gig economy. Climbing the ladder has its drawbacks, but it is easily comprehensible. You know what you have to do. Now, it's harder to even know what your goals are, much less achieve them. And we are all competing directly. Yes, Ben, you and I are competing for readers and sales. That needn't make us adversaries, but the reality is there is only so much room at the top. Not everyone can be JK Rowling or such. There are probably far more really capable athletes than there are paid positions in sports. And so forth.
That's all the response I've got. I don't know where we go from here. Just try to enjoy the trip.
It's true, Chip. For all the improvements we've made as a society, the shadow side is how many more ways we've created to both separate and divide us and how many more tools we have to measure our worth against others. I'm not sure where all of it's going either, but I think you're right about doing your best to enjoy the ride. I think cultivating peace within yourself is a radical change that has a positive impact on everyone you touch.
There's an old expression: Nobody on their deathbed, contemplating their life, says I wish I'd made more money. No, not even capitalists.
Good luck on your new job, Ben! Also: good lord, if saying hi to strangers on the street and in elevators is the measure of our worth, I'm a monster. 🤣 But your point is well taken - as a society we are not good at valuing human life for the miracle of being it is; we must always be DOING, preferably FOR other people (must I? Thoreau seemed to think that was not a requirement) and even better if you become a bazillionaire in the process (if time is money, lots of money is immortality.)
Thank you! I’m right there with you, friend. I’d rather just be alone in a cabin in the woods financed courtesy of daddy! The last two years have definitely shown me just how valuable time is. It’s not at all surprising why most of the really great artists either lived like paupers or had a benefactor.
Good luck for the new job! I'm sure you don't need it. A good reminder for all of us. I remember feeling like an absolute failure when my new business wasn't immediately taking off, and someone said to me back then, "You're 26 and you run two businesses. That's already amazing." Sometimes we can't see the success when we're looking at the failure.
Thanks, Rhiannon. It’s very true. We don’t often acknowledge all the things we’re juggling. We only see the balls that hit the floor.
Ben, you might even find that your work days are a break—a way to switch gears—from the pressure to be creative. I like my work days as a chance to get off my own agenda, and focus objectively on serving others. Something about this gives me a boost when I come back to do my own creative work in my free time. It’s the contrast I guess. Maybe you can put a lot of music into your workdays—at least on your commute or on your lunch hour? And then you can get your nature fix on your days off?
You’ll find a good rhythm. Don’t worry.
Hi Ann, thanks for the thoughtful advice. This is not something entirely new for me. I did work for over 25 years at demanding technical consulting jobs and managed to find time to be creative. I think it’s harder now at 54 with a little less energy and having tasted the freedom of owning my time. But I’ll get it sorted. Thank you for your kindness.
Best of luck as you begin Monday. There’s a way to blend it all…lots of trial and error and you’ll figure it out.
Thank you, Brian. I appreciate you. I know I will figure it out in time. Transitions are the hardest.
Best of luck in the job on Monday. I think it was Tim Denning who said, "Air and money. You got to have both." On the plus side, you have faithful readers, who are also writers, and not yet independently wealthy. We have reinvented after 55, after 65, and again, after 75. When you have this many friends, someone will always give you a boost, if you just ask.
Aw, thank you Georgia. You’re so right. We do have a wonderfully supportive community of writers here. Thank you for reading and for sharing your thoughts.
Hi Ben, great news, good luck with your new job. The last time I was nervous about starting a new job, I decided to simply enjoy the company of new people. It did the trick.
How do I measure? That's a good question. For now it's a bit of everything but mostly the progress I make on my first book. I try to take one thing at a time, dream big and be happy about the little wins.
Thank you, Claudia. That’s a great way to look at starting a new job. It’s a fully remote gig with some travel so I’ll be meeting a lot of new people, just not in person. I can’t wait until you complete your first book! And to be sure, every sentence is a little win that gets you closer to the finished book.
I thought that for once I'll mix it up and try a new experience rather than the ubiquitous feeling-anxious-about-starting-a-new-job. 😅
Working hard on it
I do hope the transition to a full time work is not too uncomfortable Ben, take deep gulps of prescription No 2 while listening to prescription No 1 for calming vibes before you begin maybe.
Good Luck and please, don't ever lose sight of your dream. 💫
Thank you, friend. The transition is daunting, but I’ll manage through it and I’ll keep writing. I’m going to be crazy tired for the first few months, but I’ll acclimate.
Thanks for this Ben. I appreciate the way your mind works and especially this reminder to stay grounded and what lights me up.
Big fan of smiling at strangers. Like the lady in Trader Joe’s today, browsing the healthy frozen veggies, while I shopped the shelf just above the open freezer case displaying all their tempting, delicious cookies. We had a laugh about what sort of message Trader Joe’s was trying to send by offering such divergent food choices right next to each other. 😂
Thinking of you on your final weekend of freedom and wishing you a smooth transition back into the world of work. I hope you can give yourself some grace to adjust to this major transition.
It is kind of a psychological game TJs is playing, right? Thank you, friend for always reading and providing such kind and thoughtful comments on my work. I so appreciate you and your work. I will be looking to you for some tiny hits of nature as I submerge back into the world of the day job.