Thanks. I enjoyed reading and I’m looking forward to the next chapter. I’d double check Riley’s pronouns as I think you referred to him as ‘she’ at one point?
Linda, thank you so much! You're right, I did. It's fixed in the text and I'll update the audio later today. It's tricky to catch everything when proof-reading your own work so I appreciate the catch. Glad you're enjoying the story so far.
Very much enjoying, Ben. I liked the introduction of Riley and getting to know a character (presumably) before they get to Houze (<- I'm with Scott on my feelings on that name haha; it perfectly captures what you're going for, I think).
The banter and brotherly-ness between Scott and Chris is great. Two very different people but sharing love for each other.
I especially enjoyed this descriptive paragraph:
*The brothers ran for the next two miles in silence, the only sound was the synchronized stride of their sneakers hitting the trail and the occasional cry of a red-tailed hawk riding the thermals in the early morning sky. At the base of the mountain, their shadows stretched long in front of them, one slightly wider and taller than the other. Chris accelerated and brushed past his older brother, his lungs on fire, his legs numb and heavy like concrete blocks propelling him forward. Whenever he ran, he was reminded of how an anthropology professor he had in college described the improbable act of homo sapiens running – like perpetually falling forward and catching yourself before you hit the ground.*
Thanks Nathan, I’m so glad you’re enjoying the story. It’s an honor to have such a gifted writer as a reader. It’s funny you picked that passage out. I’m about to use it for a piece about AI later this week.
Archetypes in da houze! I finally managed to listen to Episode 2, great continuation, Ben. It does sound like a recipe for disaster, curious how it will play out!
Beautiful - IMPERCEPTIBLE - choice to omit pronouns for Riley until his video introduction. Brilliantly done. I listened to the audio and had to ask myself if I'd been misled in the earlier text - I could have SWORN you said she or her somewhere, but you didn't!!! I've been considering different types of restrictions to put on my stories, just to experiment, and one of the restrictions I want to try is to write a complete story without any pronouns. It seems impossible for me, but you did it here so effortlessly. So great, Ben. And I'm loving the audio. It's the perfect breakfast soundtrack. 💛
Thank you so much Meg! I'm so glad you picked up on this nuance. I'm not using it just as a clever device/constraint for this novel, but as one of the themes I'm exploring.
I like the jump from the last episode to this, it was clean and sets a good pace. I am wondering - and hoping - that some of the other contestants will be introduced in the same way Riley has been? Strangely, I find myself rooting for Eve - this whole contest thing is actually not a bad idea from a publicity standpoint (at least from the outside/before) - I suspect she's going to redeem herself at some point, or at least be tested and show a depth we didn't expect. Fun!
Thanks, Troy! You will get to see each of the contestants enter the story, though I've tried to vary the approach so there's not so much exposition. And yes, Eve will light some things up as the story progresses. She's not just a pretty face with glottal fry!
Thanks. I enjoyed reading and I’m looking forward to the next chapter. I’d double check Riley’s pronouns as I think you referred to him as ‘she’ at one point?
Linda, thank you so much! You're right, I did. It's fixed in the text and I'll update the audio later today. It's tricky to catch everything when proof-reading your own work so I appreciate the catch. Glad you're enjoying the story so far.
Very much enjoying, Ben. I liked the introduction of Riley and getting to know a character (presumably) before they get to Houze (<- I'm with Scott on my feelings on that name haha; it perfectly captures what you're going for, I think).
The banter and brotherly-ness between Scott and Chris is great. Two very different people but sharing love for each other.
I especially enjoyed this descriptive paragraph:
*The brothers ran for the next two miles in silence, the only sound was the synchronized stride of their sneakers hitting the trail and the occasional cry of a red-tailed hawk riding the thermals in the early morning sky. At the base of the mountain, their shadows stretched long in front of them, one slightly wider and taller than the other. Chris accelerated and brushed past his older brother, his lungs on fire, his legs numb and heavy like concrete blocks propelling him forward. Whenever he ran, he was reminded of how an anthropology professor he had in college described the improbable act of homo sapiens running – like perpetually falling forward and catching yourself before you hit the ground.*
Thanks Nathan, I’m so glad you’re enjoying the story. It’s an honor to have such a gifted writer as a reader. It’s funny you picked that passage out. I’m about to use it for a piece about AI later this week.
😊
Far too kind. It's an honour to get to read your emerging story, live as it comes out.
Colour me curious to see what you're using that for. Looking forward to finding out!
Archetypes in da houze! I finally managed to listen to Episode 2, great continuation, Ben. It does sound like a recipe for disaster, curious how it will play out!
Thanks Alex! It's a slow burn into a full boil. ;-)
Beautiful - IMPERCEPTIBLE - choice to omit pronouns for Riley until his video introduction. Brilliantly done. I listened to the audio and had to ask myself if I'd been misled in the earlier text - I could have SWORN you said she or her somewhere, but you didn't!!! I've been considering different types of restrictions to put on my stories, just to experiment, and one of the restrictions I want to try is to write a complete story without any pronouns. It seems impossible for me, but you did it here so effortlessly. So great, Ben. And I'm loving the audio. It's the perfect breakfast soundtrack. 💛
Thank you so much Meg! I'm so glad you picked up on this nuance. I'm not using it just as a clever device/constraint for this novel, but as one of the themes I'm exploring.
Yes, of course! 💜
Rob's comment: Ben's a really good writer. And a good reader. Me: Yes, I know. He's an entertainer!
Aw, thanks Diane! Tell Rob I said thank you.
I like the jump from the last episode to this, it was clean and sets a good pace. I am wondering - and hoping - that some of the other contestants will be introduced in the same way Riley has been? Strangely, I find myself rooting for Eve - this whole contest thing is actually not a bad idea from a publicity standpoint (at least from the outside/before) - I suspect she's going to redeem herself at some point, or at least be tested and show a depth we didn't expect. Fun!
Thanks, Troy! You will get to see each of the contestants enter the story, though I've tried to vary the approach so there's not so much exposition. And yes, Eve will light some things up as the story progresses. She's not just a pretty face with glottal fry!
Thanks Rain, I’ve pulled a lot of themes into this one. Glad you’re enjoying it.